HEALING THE HEART
Chapter Eight
God’s people want to rise above the flesh and walk continuously in His Spirit; but they cannot do this if they are busy struggling with deep inner hurts. God’s Word cannot penetrate deep into the depths of the heart if you don’t allow Him. Open your heart that the Lord may enter and heal all that is wounded. God will not enter into these areas of deep hurt unless we invite Him in to do the work. By His Spirit, the Lord is constantly drawing us close to pour His love into us, but we have to willingly respond to it and receive His love.
Many of us have been so deeply wounded that we have built strong defensive walls around us. Because of these fortifications, allowing God to enter and trusting Him with our hearts and lives is difficult. But we cannot hide behind walls of fear, resentments, and bitterness any longer. We are locking ourselves up with our greatest enemy; the flesh. We are constantly allowing Satan to build strongholds of ungodly habits in our lives. Worry and anxiety are byproducts of not allowing God to pierce our hardened hearts. We choose to carry our own loads, and not receive God’s love and grace. But by faith through salvation we have committed our lives into God’s hands. Therefore, we can be sure that in God’s timing and by His grace, He will bring us to the place where we will feel safe enough to remove the walls and open up to Him. Then the Lord will be faithful to do the needed work in us that we are desperately crying out for.
Many have received help through others in the body of Christ who allow God’s love to flow through them. So many are hungry for love but don’t know how to open up and receive it. Pride gets in the way. Pride keeps us locked behind our own prison walls. It makes us afraid to truly admit who we are and what we are experiencing. We cannot get help if we give in to this fear and not allow ourselves to be vulnerable. God’s love is the answer. He is so willing to shed an abundant supply on us. He is faithful to provide all our needs and innermost desires. We can rest in His faithfulness. God wants us to trust not in man, but in Him alone. He will keep us and direct us to the sources of His healing power.
Because I needed so much healing, I understand the feelings of desperation and hopelessness. But God is faithful. There is nothing too big for Him. Never give up on His faithfulness. He deeply loves you.
Jesus experienced the turmoil of emotional upheaval that man faces daily. Yet He overcame by drawing strength from His Father. We must also draw from this source. We cannot be independent from the Lord, and run into a life of emptiness and constant torment. Jesus is our only hope of recovery.
We need to make an honest effort to take steps to overcome our weakness. Make a commitment to draw close to God daily. Read His Word and listen to His voice as you get quiet before Him. Allow Him to fill you with His Spirit. If you take the first steps to draw close to Him, He will be right there to lift you into His loving arms. Never give up on drawing close to Him. Don’t believe the lies of the enemy when he tells you that the feelings and emotions you may be experiencing prove you are getting worse. The way we behave at times in the natural may look like we will never be able to get better. But we are not to walk by feelings or by sight, but by faith (2 Cor 5:7), knowing that God is faithful to complete the good work that He started in us (Phil 1:6).
During the healing process the Lord will dig into our hearts and remove the roots of ungodly seeds that have grown into a huge tree. Usually rejection has set in which has so many branches of defensive and offensive reactions. Fear and anger are the main outshoots. We turn to these devices when trying to cope with our deep seated hurts and fear. But they are only opening us up for more oppression. We can never overcome the pain in our own strength.
As we yield to God’s healing power, we are able to let go of these strongholds and trust wholly in His Spirit to bring us to recovery. “Not by might nor by power but by My Spirit saith God” (Zech 4:6). Love is the answer. God’s ways are higher than our ways (Isa 55:9). When we hold on to the hurts and choose not to forgive those who have done us wrong, we are turning our lives over to the oppression of tormenting spirits (Matt 18:32-35).
Trust the Lord and allow His will to be done in your life. By trying to cope in our own strength, we are only bringing ourselves more harm. Choose abundant life; walk in God’s love, follow Christ’s example. “Forgive them for they do not know what they are doing,” said our Lord in the midst of persecution (Luke 23:34). You can see this same heart of forgiveness displayed through Stephen. As he was being stoned, he let out this same cry to the Father to forgive them (Acts 7:60). And also through Joseph, you see this same heart of mercy and compassion (Gen 45:1-15).
We are to be more than conquerors through Christ (Rom 8:37). Stay on the victory side where Jesus reigns. Do not give into the schemes the enemy uses to deceive and enslave you. Shake loose the chains that bind you by one easy step: Forgiveness. Commit all into God’s hands. Allow love to penetrate every area of your heart and become free; and stay free, once and for all! Halleluia!
EXPOSING THE ENEMY
Chapter Nine
Veiled within the midst of darkness the enemy lurks within our beings. This is not to come across as a negative confession but as a revelation that the enemy is trying to stay hidden as long as he can. But as long as we stay in God’s presence, the enemy doesn’t have a chance and has to pack his bags and move on.
This chapter is to encourage and bring hope to those who have struggled with deep emotional turmoil, deep-seated fears, and torments. To those who have endured many years of their expectancy rising and falling, going from one prayer and deliverance session to another. Never give up. The Lord will never fail you. Press forward under the anointing of our wonderful and powerful Savior; for the anointing does break the yoke. As the fire of the Holy Spirit purges and burns down the walls, the deep roots of the enemy within is being loosened. The light of His truth is piercing the darkness causing the enemy to become exposed.
Our greatest foe cannot continue to hide because our Father God is so faithful to set us free! I know from experience. I have had this struggle, and I know that God’s timing is perfect. the Lord is in control of all situations that we face for He is working all things for good toward the culmination of our mighty and glorious deliverance (Rom 8:28). As the mature sons of God arise, the enemy is being defeated (Rom 8:19). Satan has no legal hold on our lives for it was broken at the cross of Calvary.
All we need to do is to trust the Lord. He will manifest this victory in our lives. Remain faithful to your calling at this point in time, and praise Jesus with all your heart. We know deep within that from the time we made Jesus our all, everything we have faced in life is in preparation for the work He will do through us. He needs a completely yielded and broken vessel, and He is accomplishing this in us.
For many years I have suffered much torment of not being able to let go and truly allow the Lord to have control of every portion of my life. Many people have tried to encourage me to trust the Lord with my son, husband, and my entire life. I could not understand why I couldn’t let go and let God have control. The Lord has revealed much truth to me after going through severe attacks from the enemy. Although it might have appeared like I had been defeated, by the grace of God, I have always been lifted back up, restored to the path of righteousness and strengthened. What the enemy means for harm always work for our good (Gen 50:20).
It is not by anthing that we do, but by the shed blood and resurrection of our Lord and Savior that we are saved. Our righteousness is as filthy rags (Isa 64:6). We obey and walk the path of holiness only because we love Him. Oh, such glorious victory to receive revelation of truth. The Lord revealed to me for the first time that it is no longer I, but Christ, the hope of glory (Col 1:27). I no longer am in charge of my life. Now I truly can let go and retire from all the toil I bore all of my life. I can rest in Him. This is a wonderful revelation of deliverance to me. I want to encourage you to just rest in the faithfulness of our Lord and Savior, that He will expose the root of bondage in your life.
Maybe this is a good time to share part of my testimony. I have always been an extremely fearful person, unable to do anything that involved other people. I avoided grocery shopping, eating with others, having people over to visit, or any other association. I couldn’t make eye contact with others or even get a coffee cup up to my mouth without shaking. I wasn’t able to take the Bread and Cup at church without feeling unworthy. I struggled praying with others. And there’s many more problems I had.
Nightime was extremely hard for me, because I was afraid of the dark. This is when I had the worse mind battles. When I finally would sleep, I’d have a nightmare. The effects of it would last throughout the following day. At times I would actually experience the sensation of rising up from the bed, because of being so terrified by the spiritual attack.
I tried to stay close to Jesus by staying in His Word. As I did He delivered me more and more of the fear. Later in life my son experienced grand mall seizures, and because of the root of fear that was left in my life, the trauma began all over again. I could not completely let go and trust Jesus with this situation, and I could not understand why.
After weeks of being under attack by spirits of insecurity, frustration, fear, and rage, I experienced feelings that I couldn’t go to the Father for forgiveness. I felt so hard and stubborn, and I had a strong need to be in control. My husband tried to explain to me by the Holy Spirit that I needed to give it all to Jesus and to humble myself before Him, but I felt like I could not do it.
Then the Holy Spirit revealed to me that the root of bondange in my life was pride, the deceiver. It had me so convinced that I had to be in charge of my life. I felt like I had to watch over, protect, work out, and be responsible for everything. It had me believing that I was strong enough to be in control. But I knew deep in my heart that I couldn’t keep everything in control. This caused me much torment.
After pride was exposed and cast out, the void was filled with the strength of Jesus. It is no longer I but Jesus (Gal 2:20). I actually felt strong and confident in Him for the first time when He filled me. All glory to God! Such joy came over me at the thought that what Satan meant for harm worked out for my good. I felt in the Spirit that while I was experiencing such joy, the enemy was actually running away wounded like a dog with its tail between its legs.
We can never give up on the faithfulness of the Father. His timing is always perfect. We need never forget that all things work for good for those who love God and are called according to His plan and purpose. There is, therfore, now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus (Rom 8:1). The enemy fights being exposed so that he can have complete control over our lives. Satan will do anything to hinder our intimacy with our Lord Jesus, because he doesn’t want to forfeit control of us to Jesus. It truly is a fight for each of our lives in Christ (1 Tim 6:12).
We wrestle not with man or with carnal weapons but with principalities and powers in the heavenlies sent out to destroy our lives and our walk with Christ, and to cause us eternal suffering (Eph 6:12). If our lives are secured by the shed blood of Christ, there’s nothing the enemy can do to destroy our faith. Whatever the enemy does to try to defeat us will always work out for our good, because God is on our side, and He truly battles for us (1 Sam 17:47). In time the enemy will reveal his stupidity, by setting his own trap that will reveal his identity.
He will try to stay hidden so that he can bring torment and control in our lives, but the Lord will not allow this. In time, the Lord will allow various situations to arise that will cause the enemy to become exposed. Because of the faithfulness of the Father, we can rest assured that the roots of bondage in our lives will become exposed and glorious liberty will become manifested in our lives.
No matter where we are in the Lord, we are in transition. Whether it is a matter of deliverance or crucifixion of the flesh we are in transition. The Lord is bringing each of us to the place where we relinquish control over our lives to Jesus so that He can release His glory through us. The enemy’s chief mission is to hinder us from answering God’s call. We need to be aware of this. Make sure you’re off the throne of your life completely so that Jesus can live His life through us freely, to touch a lost and dying world, to heal the sick, and set the captives free (Mark 16:15-18).
BREAKING AWAY UNTO LIFE
Chapter Ten
The Lord Jesus Christ wants to bring us as the Church into a dimension we did not know existed. There is so much unfolding of revelation in the areas of truth and grace that the Lord wants to introduce us to (John 1:17). No one will ever be at the place they need to be in Him completely. It is a process of going from glory to glory as we transform into His image by feasting upon His Word and receiving more and more of His power through the infilling of His Spirit (2 Cor 3:18).
I want to share with you a life-changing experience which began as a result of receiving a dream from the Lord. After having the dream, I awoke with the feeling that something was different about it; but at the same time, I thought it might have been from something I ate before going to bed. Still, days later, I thought about it and started seeking the Lord for the dream’s meaning.
The dream consisted of a large house with many large compartments in it. Many people were in this house. A large dining area was filled with people who were eating contaminated fruit. Word was out that we were not to partake of this fruit or even associate with the people eating it, or we would be contaminated also.
Another large area of the house was a banquet hall with many men sitting around a large, long table. I flew into this room and was rebuked that I was out of order, so I graciously left. Throughout the other sections of the house, people were eating something appearing to be paper and cardboard.
The Lord revealed to me that the people in the house represented the Church as a whole. There are areas of legality in my life and in the Church, portrayed by the eating of bad fruit, which represents the knowledge of good and evil. (The letter of the law kills, but the Spirit of grace brings life and truth (2 Cor 3:6). When Adam and Eve partook of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil against God’s command not to, sin and death entered the world (Rom 5:12).
It is interesting to notice that the sections of the house that were clearly recognized were those we were to avoid. Those who partook of the life of Jesus (those who were feasting on His Word) were in areas where little attention was given. This could refer to areas in the body of Christ where God’s Spirit is now being quenched. There are many large beautiful churches in the land where there is no life at all; and at the same time, many places where saints meet together under a mighty anointing are small or not given a second glance.
In the dream, flying into the banquet hall portrayed being free in the Holy Spirit. The hall represented areas of my life and the Church where formality is the dominant factor. The Lord enncourages us to be so free in Him that we move only by the leading of His Spirit. Only then will we have His perfect will in our lives rather than the bondage of precise law and order.
The Lord revealed an area in my life where He wanted to set me free and bring the breath of life into my being. I know this is only the beginning of a new freedom the Lord wants to bless me in as He shows me other areas of my life that need this same type of change. I spent most of my Christian life in a church where there was a lot of the same type of form and precision as in the dream . I received much truth during those years, but because I was so bound, I could not receive the full measure of freedom through the revelation of God’s grace.
The Lord is blessing me now in the area of reading His Word. My whole life as a Christian I desired to feast on His Word but did not know how. I would study occasionally by gathering scriptures relating to a certain topic depending on my need at the time. This helped me some, but it was only bringing the Word into my mind, and not into my heart. Later in life, I disciplined myself to stay in the Word for one year, by reading the Bible according to a schedule. Each day I tried to keep up with the schedule, but there were days I fell behind, and I had to really buckle down to catch up. I realized at times that I wasn’t even paying attention to all that I was reading.
Through all this I developed a good habit of wanting to stay in God’s Word and a desire to receive more from reading it. All things work out for good for those who are called according to His plan and purpose, even our mistakes work out for our good. I started to enjoy getting before the Lord and spending time with Him, but it was so empty compared to what the Lord wanted me to receive.
After receiving this dream, a sister in the Lord shared with me that I should break away from my reading chart and just feast on the book of John in the Bible. She said to just go slow and pray in the Spirit, and then ask the Lord to speak to me. I had showed that even though I was reading in the Word, I was not benefiting as much as I would have if I had been before the Lord feasting on His Word.
In the dream where others were eating what appeared to be paper and cardboard, this represented the need to eat of the Bread of Life, the Living Manna (John 6:48). The Word of God is our only true sustenance. We need to partake of it in a way that will bring nourishment and growth in our lives. Now I am beginning to receive a glimmer of the light the Lord wants me to have, resulting in definite change in the way I receive from His Word. For a week I struggled to break away from the ritualistic pattern of reading the Word and to partake of the grace the Lord had for me in this area. This is only the beginning of a journey with the Lord as He unfolds His perfect will to me by showing me different areas of my life where I am not completely free. The Lord loves us so much and He has an abundance of blessings He wants to pour out upon us where we will be fulfilled in Him beyond what we could ever hope or imagine (Eph 3:20).
I am just amazed at how much I have received from Jesus by reading just a few verses from the beginning of the book of John the way He intended me to read it. As He unveiled revelation and understanding of His Word to me, His anointing and His awesome presence has encouraged me to press in for more. I have missed out of so much by not partaking of His Word His way.
We need to always guard against the tactics the enemy uses to try to rob us. Many are deceived and place importance on how much they read, rather than how they are reading the Word. Others are ensnared by the religious practice of adhering to a schedule rather than being led by the Holy Spirit in what they are to read.
Balance is so important. Whatever we use to help us develop the good habit of staying in God’s Word should never hinder us from being led by His Spirit. Always remember to not partake in your own strength but to ask for the grace to receive the blessings contained within His Word.
Be still and know that He is God and that He is faithful to lead us into all truth (Psa 46:10). Slow down. Really come before Him and let Him nourish you with the sustenance that He provides through His Son. Jesus is the Bread of Life (John 6:35). Partake of Him daily as you partake of His Word!
REPRINT AGREEMENT:
Duplication and re-transmission of the writing of WE NEED TO START SOMEWHERE is permitted provided that complete source and website information for the ministry of Yolanda Ballard, AT THE FATHER’S FEET, is included.
Section Five of Book